Why can’t infatuation be as long-lasting and honest as true love? Why is that when you usually meet the person that you’re sure is perfect for you they are, in fact, the one thing you should run away from?

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not an excellent flirt - I don’t know how to to do it, I don’t understand how much eye contact is too much eye contact, I’m not sure when exactly is the right time to every so gently put my hand on his shoulder. In my mind if I’m talking to you for more than 15 minutes straight it’s quite obvious that I am flirting with you, right?

As I started to cook more I found that warmth is what helped to temporarily relieve my loneliness. And the quickest and fastest way to feel said warmth is with a bowl of soup. For me, soup acts as a blanket for the anguish and confusion that can sometimes accompany adulthood. The combination of the smooth velvety texture and pronounced flavors feel safe. It’s a meal that is equal parts comforting and filling.

You never really know or understand the impact that people you meet will have on your life until they’re there. Before moving I was scared that Parisian women would be scary and mean, and I was convinced that other non-French ladies would be way too sophisticated and cool to even notice that I was breathing the same air as them. I was wrong about all of that.   

I flew home in September naively believing that I would have the same longing and desire for Paris that I had the last time I visited in 2016. I was wrong.

Before moving to Paris, a lot of people back home in NYC warned me about how “rude”, “mean-spirited” and cold Parisiens are. Especially Parisiennes-women from Paris

My theory is that a lot of people feel uncomfortable with Parisiennes, in particular, because they wear 350% of who they are on their sleeves. They don’t strive for perfection, it’s either take it or leave it. They accept the messy bits of themselves, so you have to accept that too. They’re not trying to fix your life, they are just along for the ride and mostly focused on experiencing it.

I realized that the desire and drive would be dead, motionless, words, and concepts without my fearlessness propelling them into action. Being fearless in my desire and drive to stay here wasn't a conscious decision, it was just something I did.

My friends are women that I trust, confide in and love like they’re family. They’re my support system and I just couldn’t imagine my life without them. Before moving I was nervous about leaving my family and friends, learning a new language and adapting to a new culture but I was mostly terrified that I wouldn’t make any friends.

Dating is hard. I doubt that anyone would beg to differ but it’s kind of a necessary evil if you want to move on, right? I find dating hard because you’re putting on a show. You have to be your best looking, most interesting, and seemingly sane self. So we’ve established that dating is hard, so imagine combining that with being in your 30s, one marriage behind you, the abundance of dating apps AND sprinkle on top of that a little language and cultural difference.

Homesick /ˈhoʊmˌsɪk/ (adjective)- longing for home and family while absent from them.

That’s the Merriam-Webster’s definition of homesick, but does it hold true, or have as much weight, when it is a conscious decision to live far away from your home and all of the things that have made you, you?

“Ummmmm est-ce que vous parlez anglais?”

For a long time that was my opening line whenever I was in a situation where I had to speak French. I know that sounds ridiculous and obnoxious, why live in a country and not even try to speak the language? It’s not that I wasn’t trying in my daily life - well actually yes I wasn’t trying. I wasn’t trying because I didn’t need to.

In this episode, I talk about excess. Too much of anything isn’t good for you, right? Even if it feels good at the moment. Initially, I found it very difficult to be at peace and accept my new reality, so I did what any young and newly single woman in Paris would do. I partied. A lot. Until it became too much and I started to lose myself.

This is my Paris comfort meal so I found it very fitting for the first Dinner For One episode. It's a very important and special dish for me because it was one of the first meals my former mother-in-law made for me and I immediately felt welcomed and loved. So although I am now living this Paris experience alone I feel, spiritually at least, that I am being guided and helped on this journey by all of the amazing, strong, women that are a part of my life.