Non-Engagement Chicken
The end of my marriage was earth-shattering. It’s a feeling and experience that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. But, you know, shit happens. Life happens and you have to pick yourself up and move on. Usually moving on means dating—the other big D after the first big D (divorce).
Dating is hard. I doubt that anyone would beg to differ but it’s kind of a necessary evil if you want to move on, right? I find dating difficult because you’re putting on a show. You have to be your best-looking, most interesting, and seemingly sane self.
So we’ve established that dating is hard, so imagine combining that with being in your 30s, one marriage behind you, an abundance of dating apps AND sprinkle on top of that a little language and cultural difference.
What a clusterfu*k. Just Imagine. Ç’est pas facile du tout.
Honestly, I’m not sure if my age and previous marital status play a huge role but I do believe that the apps and the cultural difference do. First, let’s talk about these dating apps. They present a false notion of choice. You forget that the person in front of you is just a person and therefore, like you, imperfect. But it’s hard to remember that when you’re sure that the perfect Pierre, Matthieu, Luc, Guillaume, or Jules is one swipe away. If date number 1 matches 6 out of 10 of your requirements and/or desires, but not quite, it is easy to believe that the next person just might be your 10 out of 10 match—there’ll be no doubts, no disappointments, no differences.
It’ll be like the movies and the next thing you know you’re taking photos in the lavender fields of Provence! Then you’ll twirl around and be magically transported to the country kitchen of the lovely country house in Provence that has been in Pierre’s family for 4 generations. You and Pierre are preparing dinner for 8, bumping into each other as you cook but not at all annoyed, you both are drinking rosé, he gives your butt a little squeeze then starts chasing you around the kitchen.
Isn’t that what’s potentially at stake with every right swipe? With every Happn match?
But perhaps "Jean" isn’t fondling your butt in his family’s country house because you can’t connect with the “Pierres" of Paris. Well, at least I know I am not.
Before moving here, naively, I didn’t think there would be huge cultural differences. I assumed that moving from one cosmopolitan city moving to another would be easy. The only thing that I needed to worry about was the language, which I also naively believed would come back to me naturally.
I was wrong.
There are so many codes, so many unsaid rules, so many things a Pierre will say or do, that will make total sense to chic and beautiful Parisienne, but to this “regular, degular, shmegular girl from the Bronx,” is completely nonsensical and will send me into a group messaging frenzy trying to figure him out. The language and culture barrier only adds another layer of complexity to the whole trying-to-find-someone-that-puts-up-with-your-bullshit-and-you-with-theirs thing.
There is also the fear thing, which is real. It’s hard to date after the end of a marriage. The idea of having to be vulnerable with someone new is terryifying new, it takes a lot to believe that the new person sitting across from you as you’re nursing your cocktail will accept you for you once they really get to know you.
Alas! All hope isn’t completely lost.
Recently, a dear friend told me that in the past year she has noticed a change in my spirit, my energy, my vibe, and that filled me with pride because I’ve been working on myself. I took a conscious break from dating and focused on me.
I know that this might sound corny, and like everything everyone has ever read on the big beautiful internet, but I started dating myself. I went to the movies alone, I went to dinners alone, lunches alone, concerts alone, walks around Paris alone and I genuinely enjoyed it. I liked my own company. I was living my life the way I wanted to, I wasn’t preoccupied with what anyone else thought or what anyone else wanted to do. I did not need someone in my life in order to “do things” or “keep me company”.
And that’s why I made this non-engagement chicken. For me, this meal symbolizes the commitment that I am making to myself to continue to engage in this journey of building a happy, healthy, full life here in Paris, with or without a man.
Non-Engagement Chicken
This is NOT Glamour magazine's engagement chicken because I am not making it for a man. I am making it for myself and my beloved Paris. This meal symbolizes the renewed commitment I am making to myself and my love, Paris, to continually work on myself and building the life that I want in the city I love with or without a man.
Chicken thighs
Ingredients
Marinating and getting all infused with flavors and stuff
2-3 chicken thighs (depends on how hungry you are)
2 teaspoons of salt
2 teaspoons of ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon of red pepper flakes
3 1/2 tablespoons of olive oil
1 teaspoon of smoked paprika
1/1/2 tablespoons of soy sauce
1 clove of fresh garlic
1/2 teaspoon of fresh ginger
1 small red onion
Preparation:
Combine salt, ground black pepper, pepper flakes, garlic, ginger, red onions and 1/2 tablespoon of olive oil
Once mixed together into a nice consistency (feel free to add a little bit of oil if needed)
Pour mixture over chicken thighs and MASSAGE. You want to get all that flavor into every nook and cranny.
Cover and put in the refrigerator for at least 6 hours, but it's best overnight
Remove chicken from the refrigerator and let sit for about 30 mins, allowing it to get to room temperature
Pre-heat oven at 250 degrees F
Pour remaining oil into your cast iron Once the pan is hot, place chicken in the pan skin side down and leave it for 4-6 minutes
Once the red onions and garlic start to soften remove them from the pan and put them to the side
When the skin side is brown and crispy, flip and cook the other side for the same amount of time
Now remove the cast iron from the stovetop and put it in your pre-heated oven for 30-35 minutes. If you're not using a cast-iron skillet just transfer the chicken to an oven-safe dish and pop that bad boy in.
Bok Choy
You can see a little bit of the bok choy, but I really just wanted to show off the chicken again because it's probably one of my best meals yet.
Ingredients
3 bok choy stalks (I guess that's what you call them)
1 teaspoon of fresh ginger
1 tablespoon of soy sauce
The garlic and onions that were already sauteed wit the chicken
1/2 teaspoon of olive oil
Salt and ground black pepper to taste
Preparation
Wash and clean the boy choy, I usually do it under cold running water to ensure that I get EVERYTHING out
Cut off the thick stem at the bottom, cutting off the steam makes sure that it's evenly cooked
Add the oil, ginger and precooked onion & garlic mix to the pan and let all those flavors blend together
Gently place the bok choy in the pot and toss to cover every leaf with the ginger, onion and garlic goodness
Add the soy sauce and continue to toss and blend
Turn the stove way down to low and cover for about 2 minutes
Keep an eye on this because you don't want it to burn. Once they become wilted and soft, they're good to go.
Rice
You can find my go-to recipe for rice in the Tout Sole Meunière post here.
Fried plantains
You can find the recipe for fried plantains in the Fry Up The Vibes post here.